Lost
I’m so lost and confused right now. It is quite ridiculous. I feel like I don’t have control of my brain. I know I have control of my actions… but my brain feels like a barricade.
I feel mentally drained and weak. I am talking to a friend right now who is trying to talk sense into me. He says I am not a lump (but I feel like one) because I care. I need to somehow get control back over my brain.
One problem I have is that I end up caring too much. Which hasn’t been an issue in a long time, but I guess now it is. One thing is for sure, I don’t care about myself nearly enough. Which is probably why it sounds so appealing to just give up.
I became Buddhist a couple years ago, but don’t live by those standards. Everyone faces troubles, some much worse than me, me maybe worse than others… but I’m supposed to see them as a challenge and learning experience. Good should come out of every shitty situation.
You can probably tell I am taking awhile to write this post with the variation in what I’m writing.
If I do look at all the shit I am going through one small step at a time, it would definitely help… but I still can’t see the light at the end of the tunnel. My main goal in life is to have a kid and I don’t think it’s gonna happen. Then it would be #fail.
Now my sadness is turning into anger, which is better than sadness. I am still lacking the motivation to pack boxes though. Step by step… and FTB!