Joy of Zen

I called the court to see about doing traffic school for the speeding ticket I got in April, and they said I can’t because of how fast I was going. I’d have to have a court date to try to get the judge to allow it. I don’t know if I want to go through all that. I’d first have to write a letter to get the ticket changed to the Los Angeles court because I didn’t request county seat when he gave me the ticket… only because I didn’t realize I was already in LA county. What to do, what to do.

So I laid down sometime after midnight and tried to go to sleep but couldn’t. What was keeping me up? Happiness. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “that’s a first!” but it’s true. It seems that I’ll be able to move around the middle of the month with the way things are looking. I’m keeping my fingers crossed. Also, I’ve been reading up on Buddhism and am very excited about that. I wonder why I didn’t fully discover it until now. Seems like excellent timing though.

Anyway, it’s almost 2 in the morning so I think I’m going to try to lay down again. I’m also happy that it’s Friday

I’m feeling nice and relaxed today, I think it is because I went on a shooting rampage in my dream though. I’ve had many dreams where I am shooting things, but in this dream I actually went to a drawer, got bullets out, put them in the gun, made sure the safety was off… so many details. I needed the gun because I was stealing some money or something. Then it was all happening at my uncle’s house, but it didn’t really look like his house. Oh, and then I watched my aunt’s mom die, she just closed her eyes and that was it. She’s already dead in real life though.

I ended up shooting a bunch of family members and was about to get away but realized my sister was still alive, so I shot her in the forehead. And as she was bleeding she said “Hey! You shot me!” And I said that I had to so that people wouldn’t think she was in on it with me. Then she said “Thank you!”

There was a room full of ironing boards that were in my way and I have to meander through them to get out of that room. I went to a couple of dream dictonaries, but didn’t see ironing boards. Any thoughts on that?

So someone is already using my old blog address; it’s a whole bunch of ad links. Real classy. So if anyone reading this still has me linked to the old one, best to update to the new link so people won’t go to that lame site.

I’m at work, a bit dazed. I decided to take a muscle spasm pill, which I haven’t taken in a while, and it actually did something for a change. But now I’m sleepy from it. I try not to take them or pain pills much since they don’t really seem to do any good. Today though, I needed it, and the pain has subsided, so that’s good.

Oh, I got to chat a bit with Kat online since she played hooky from work today. That was cool.

“Bobby” is still emailing me miles of crap to wade through. The whole thing is in the past now, and I’m putting it behind me for good. What’s done is done, and I have learned (again) how I need to be with certain people, and I don’t plan on forgetting it ever again.

I was having a wonderfully happy day today until someone emailed me about something that is absolutely none of their business, and as always, their view is biased. So why bother emailing me, I dunno, it’s dumb. I feel like I’m in elementary school. “Little Johnny made me upset, now I’m going to go tell Bobby so he’ll be mad at Little Johnny too!!” Get with it people, we are adults, and two adults should be able to deal with their own problems without running off to someone else.

And I am tired of people who repeatedly hurt me, yeah you. Time goes by and I forget all the bitch-ass things you’ve done to me, and then, what’dya know, you’re back to your old self. Not thinking before talking. Not worrying about how your actions or words will affect someone else. I feel that you will never grow up and I have no idea how to help you with that. The one thing that I am sure of is that I cannot confide anything with you ever again. I thought that is what family did, but it turns out I’m wrong.

I woke up a lil’ after 6 with a terrible stabbing headache on the right side of my head. I went back to sleep, hoping it’d go away. I then woke up at 6:50 and it was still there. So I took 3 ibuprofens and a shower, and knew that afterwards it’d be gone, and it was. Headaches are no fun and I’m a wimp when it comes to them.

I’m feeling peachy keen today, so that’s good. Maybe I’ll actually accomplish more at work. Maybe. My mouth feels a whole lot better today, and I drank some water and it actually didn’t hurt my tooth for a change! Hooray!

Another game to play if you’re bored is Bejeweled 2, it’s only fun if you do the timed one though. I guess that’s it for now, perhaps I’ll blog later.

So I finished my test a little while ago and got a 91 on the test. So that’s good. Better than my last 84 I got. My book has drawings of a penis and how to put a condom on it, as well as a whole bunch of other interesting things, including sex positions. Well, the positions they talked about weren’t interesting, but the chapter was amusing. The test was on 3 chapters, as was the last one, but the final is on 5 chapters I think. So that sucks. I think I have to write 2 more papers too. But this class actually ends sooner than I had originally thought, so that’s good. I will have a lil’ break before fall starts.

I had a busy day today. Went to work, then the dentist, then got my car washed (and waxed since they gave me a discount…and I hadn’t washed my car in months), then came home, read my book as much as I could and took the test. Now I want to go to sleep. But I have a feeling I’ll just be laying there like I did last night. Oh, and since I’m single again, it’s back to masturbating for me. *sigh*

Oh yeah, about the apartment. The one I looked at was rented, but they have 3 more similar units available at the same place for the same price. So I’m going to go check them out tomorrow after work. That sounds pretty promising. And if they are available now, that means I can probably move pretty soon. Hooray

Oh yeah, me going to the car wash alone is a huge tell that I’m happy because I rarely go anywhere alone, so w00t for me.

So yesterday was the Fiona Apple & Damien Rice concert in Santa Barbara. We got there 90 minutes early and decided to eat. There was a homeless guy outside of the restaurant holding a sign asking for change for food, we walked inside and sat down. After our menus came, I took mine outside and sat next to the homeless guy. I told him that he could pick something from the menu. He called me darlin’ in his Scottish accent and said that he couldn’t do that, because their prices were too high. He added, “Look at that, 9 dollars for a chicken sandwich! That’s too much money.” I asked if he was sure and that I didn’t mind, but he really didn’t want me spending that much money. He said he could get soup from Quiznos. So I told him I’d give him some change after we came out of the restaurant. He added that I was the first person to ever offer him food from that place and usually people would give him McDonald’s. He said that it was the thought that counted.

When I finished eating, I walked out I headed over to him and gave him 3 bucks. He thanked me and said that I was a lifesaver. He went on to explain why he couldn’t accept the $9 meal. He said that it’d be on his conscience all night and he wouldn’t be able to sleep, and he wouldn’t have enjoyed eating it either. I told him I understood and I shook his hand and told him to have a good night.

The concert was good. Damien Rice was way better live than I thought he’d be. Fiona was great of course. She has skinny awkward arms like me, and her moves were spastic and man can she scream. And how is it that when she screams at the top of her lungs it sounds good, but if I do it, it’s horrendous?

I have absolutely no desire to go back to Santa Barbara ever again. For one, there were way too many white people. Yeah, I know I’m white, but I feel more comfortable around big groups of other people. Tons of drunks were at the show while I drank my diet coke, looking on. When Fiona was going to come out, two people came and sat behind us, and the dude with an awful raspy voice who was drunk off his ass just had to go. He was on his phone, yelling into it. I should’ve just punched him, but I don’t think that’d be very zen of me. Hehe.

Eventually we moved a few rows down where no one was sitting to escape him, as well as a couple that came and sat in front of us and just kept talking to each other while Fiona sang. I dunno about you, but you see, if I were to spend about $70 on one ticket for a show, you can bet I won’t be talking during the performance, not only because I want to hear it, but also because I want to get my fucking money’s worth.

Oh, so the title of this post is because of Reuben. When we dated way long ago, he told me, “It’s only money.” After that I eased up on what I would spend my money on. Of course it’s always easier to give money to others who need it more, or buy random things for others. Although with living on my own there won’t really be extra for me to worry about. Anyway, so my view for a while has been “it’s only money” but then talking to my homeless friend who turned down food even though he was hungry because of money made me think. Can’t be spending too much on things we don’t need. I have already made myself aware that I probably won’t be eating at restaurants for a while, unless if any of you nice people felt like treating me

Alright, I’ve rambled long enough and I should start working. Peace.

If any of you blogger people can figure out why it isn’t giving me a spot for a title, be sure to let me know. I dunno what’s up. I used this template for my private blog and didn’t have that problem.

Anyway, it’s just after 8 in the morning, on a Sunday, and I’m fucking awake! Hah! Insane. I went to bed around 1:30 in the morning too; and you and I both know that I am not a morning person. I do know from the past that it is a lot easier for me to wake up and get out of bed if I’m happy, and I woke up smiling, so cool beans.

I wish I was already moved into my new place (which I don’t officially have yet). Oh, if anyone has an old fridge they don’t need, be sure to let me know I had bought one before, but have it no longer *sigh*. Some years back when I lived alone in a back house, there was no fridge and I didn’t buy one for about 3 months. So I can live without one for a while if I have to, I’d rather not though. Especially since I’ve been trying to eat better.

I still have to read 2 more chapters in my health book for the test. The chapters are: Healthy Relationships & Sexuality: Making Commitments (go figure) and Birth Control, Pregnancy and Childbirth: Managing Your Fertility (that should be fun). Reminds me of my 7th grade health class with Mr. Walker, oh and that year stands out because that was the year Magic Johnson was diagnosed with HIV.

I am a blogging fiend lately. I rarely blog on weekends. Oh, I was thinking about living alone and being able to focus on my homework more… knowing me I’ll be blogging more instead of doing homework I’ll probably be posting more pics I think, and I hope to figure out how to do a vlog, because I am addicted to them.